Poor waterbed. You thought you'd end up in some nice master bedroom, quiet and clean, with one or two reasonably sized people sleeping on top of your undulating surface.
But no. Some farmer decided to hijack your suburban dream, dump you in a barn and have a half-ton cow flop on top of you, squeezing your sides until all that water practically bursts out of your seams.
But one waterbed's nightmare is 200 cows' dream. And the man putting some cush beneath their tush is Ohio farmer Dave Conrad, who says his barn is full of cows who are more comfortable than ever.
And why wouldn’t they be? Each stall has a 7x4 foot mattress filled with 14 gallons of water. That’s a better deal than you'd get in some Tokyo hotels.
So why'd he do it? Why put cows... on a waterbed? Conrad tells WJW that "waterbeds offer a clean, low maintenance bed for the cows to lie in.” And if, "we do our very best to keep the cows happy, in return, they will take care of us." Apparently, the waterbeds eliminate pressure points on the cows’ knees and other joints.
And it looks like all of this pampering is working, because according to Conrad, the milk quality of his cows has gone up in the six months since his cows -- wait for it -- mooooved on up. There it is.
Look, we’re all for making cows comfortable and happy. But if we start giving every one a waterbed, the next thing you know they’re going to want beer and a massage too!