Behind the walls of these beautiful baseball stadiums lie cesspools of poopy, poopy secrets, or so the good people at Urine Feces Everywhere are apt to believe.
Before we get into the fact there's a website called "Urine Feces Everywhere" (clearly the most excellent website name ever), let's put our gloves on and take a look at the Top 10 Dirtiest Baseball Stadiums and Patrons. The UFE Team visited all 30 stadiums and ranked them in ways you have never even thought about because thinking about it would scare you into a hypoallergenic bubble.
Clearly the restrooms were called into question, but so was every aspect therein: the faucets, the method of hand-drying, everything. Under the microscope too were turnstiles, food vendors, seats, doors, and, oh sweet mercy, hot dogs. Lest you think UFE is just about urine and feces, they also tested for bacteria, fungi, viruses, and other delightful things you don't want to know about. After all, the UFE's self-stated motto is "Remember to touch only where no man has touched before."
In other words, shove your hands in your pockets and keep them there forever because POOP IS EVERYWHERE!
Except for these stadiums. We won't ruin the UFE Big 10 above, but we will tell you the cleanest:
5. Philadelphia Phillies
4. Houstin Astros
3. Milwaukee Brewers
2. San Diego Padres
1. St Louis Cardinals
Congratulations guys, for being not as disgusting as the rest.
Urine Feces Everywhere was started by a dentist who really wanted to drive home the fact that most things we love and enjoy are bad for us and covered in germs. There are plenty of studies and advice articles to explore, but we leave you with this choice quote from their review of Dodgers Stadium:
"There is folklore at the park that says if you put your ear really close to the water in the urinal trough you can hear the ocean, just like putting your ear to a seashell. What you really hear when you put your ear close to the men's troughs is Thomas Crapper's voice...saying, Please return this toilet to me, it's an antique."