SPOILER ALERT: If you have not watched the Season 4 finale of "Game of Thrones" hop on a boat and sail away from this page. It's the cool thing to do! Everybody's doing it!
And if you HAVE watched (or read the books and aren't whining about the ending of the episode), pop a squat and indulge in these final comprehensive power rankings.
STANNIS THE MANNIS! Stannis finally gets to shrug off seasons of brooding and frowning to actually do something epic, like mow down the unsuspecting Wildling army and have a total bro-convo with Jon Snow. THIS is the Stannis we have been waiting for. Finally, someone who cares that an army of immortal ice zombies are trying to take over the Wall!
Plus, he wisely burned all of the bodies of the dead so they wouldn't turn into wights, so you KNOW Melisandre just loved every second of that. The look she gave Jon Snow was bad news, but for now, Stannis is the strongest in the land.
The biggest question on everyone's mind: Is Arya a sociopath for not putting the Hound out of his misery? Is she completely heartless for looking him in the eye as she steals his bag of coins, leaving him for the crows?
Yeah, she probably has some issues. But whatever -- she cashes in her Valar Morghulis rewards for a free trip to Braavos as epic music swells behind her. Girl is GROWN.
Speaking of grown, who ever thought Sansa would end up near the top of any sort of power ranking? This season she wriggled out of the Lannisters' claws, managed to survived a crazy aunt, somehow got one of the most powerful men in Westeros spun around her little finger, and perfected (and we mean PERFECTED) the art of lying. The finale was in dire need of more Sansa. Sansa forever.
Sure, Jon's super sad Ygritte is dead (these leaders at the Wall have a thing for redheads, no?), but with Stannis' reenforcement Jon and his brothers are set to face any challenges that come their way.
Cersei likes him again so that's almost as good as having two hands again, right? Plus, in a season full of character ups and downs, Jaime finally does a Really Good Thing and lets Tyrion free. Whiiiiich directly leads to the death of their father, but it's not like Jaime was trying to impress him anyway.
After trudging around the North for what seems like forever, Bran finally finds the Three-Eyed Raven and can magically walk again! JK LOL, clearly Bran, with all of his powers, doesn't see that there are bigger things at play than his two bum legs. Like, we dunno, witnessing an ancient race that many thought were extinct? Warging into people? Unlocking the very magic of the earth on which he stands?
You know, like, when your dad makes you marry some guy you don't want to, and to get back at him you confess that your kids are actually a product of your lifelong incestuous relationship with your brother? But then it doesn't matter because your other brother who you want dead for supposedly killing your bastard son kills your dad anyway? #CerseiProbs.
Dany and Co. sit through a heart-wrenching scene that reveals her dragons are now developing a taste for people meat. She's now unsure on what to do with her babies, and she's rapidly losing control of her conquered lands. What's a queen to do?
Oh, of course. Lock the dragons up in the catacombs. That's a great idea. No WAY that could backfire.
He is just beyond hope.
So. Clearly people were thrilled that Tyrion didn't die. But while death is never preferable, killing your double-crossing lover with your bare hands then shooting you father on the toilet, then fleeing in in a box on a boat to Pentos isn't perhaps the most triumphant storyline ever. BUT HE DIDN'T DIE GUYS, so the viewers win!
Yup, he did die, though.