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'Full House of Cards' is a show that must happen

  • Striking similarities between Frank and Michelle. No, really.
  • Kevin Spacey said he joked about it with John Stamos
'Full House of Cards' is a show that must happen

The cast of 'Girls' as 'Star Wars' characters

The cast of 'Girls' as 'Star Wars' characters

The Oscars are typically a place to celebrate great productions, but last night they might have helped create one too. In a pre-show interview, "House of Cards" star Kevin Spacey said he'd run into John Stamos (who apparently attends the Academy Awards?) and they discussed a mash-up of their signature TV shows, "Full House of Cards."

They might have been kidding, but holy moly, that actually sounds like a show we would absolutely watch. And since the show's characters are surprisingly similar if you think about it (and oh yes, we thought a lot about it), we thought we'd go ahead and fire this thing up.

So here is our version of "House of Cards," cast with the stars of "Full House":

Frank Underwood / Michelle Tanner: There's "manipulative" and then there's "toddler manipulative." Even Kevin Spacey's character could learn a thing or 12 from the Olsen twins. Both are also especially bossy and pretty lousy at taking "no" for an answer. Also, Frank reciting little Michelle's "You're in big trouble, mister" in front of a mirror would be amazing TV.

Claire Underwood / Uncle Jesse: Both are the less-public faces of a power couple and work like mad to get ahead. Those Jesse and The Rippers gigs don't schedule themselves, you know. And clearly both of them prioritize their hair.

Garrett Walker / Danny Tanner: Just a couple well-meaning guys perpetually being undermined and ignored by those around them. Dealing with Frank Underwood is tough. Dealing with any combination of Uncle Joey, Michelle and Kimmy Gibbler is absolutely impossible.

Doug Stamper / Uncle Joey: The ultimate right-hand men, whose unquestioned loyalty endear them to a single dad of three girls and a murderous aspirant of increased political power, respectively. And sure, there's a wide moral gap (chasm? canyon?) between helping your bud raise his kids and helping your bud knock off rivals. But every show needs a good No. 2 and these guys are the best. Even though one is the worst.

Raymond Tusk / Kimmy Gibbler: A pair of outsiders trying to finagle their way into the inner sanctum. For Tusk, the White House; for Gibbler, the Tanner household. Both employ unorthodox methods which both kind of endear and mostly annoy those with whom they are attempting to curry favor.

And as soon as we get this one up and running, we can start working on "Animal House of Cards," in which a seventh-year college senior becomes chief justice of the United States after getting the president drunk.

Follow Jonathan Anker on Twitter @JonFromHLN


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