FOOTBALL IS BACK AND IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR AND YOUR LIFE HAS MEANING AGAIN AND EVERYTHING IS AWESOME and, okay, maybe you need a little help.
Listen, there's no judgment here. After all, one person's crazy is another person's devoted. But you may be a teensy weensy bit obsessed if you find the following to be true:
You own more clothes in your team colors than any other color. It's kind of shameful -- especially if you find yourself having to accessorize a bunch of purple or burnt orange.
Your friends know not to make plans with you on game days because you won't be anywhere other than your couch, the stadium, or the local alumni bar (and your BEST friends are right there next to you).
Your mood for the entire weekend is determined by a win or loss. No, this is not a joke or an understatement.
You love your coach. You HATE your coach. You have extremely solid and exhaustively researched ideas on how to improve your O-line or your running game and you find yourself screaming "NORTH - SOUTH!" or "BALL SECURITY" all the time, as if anyone will hear you (unless your team is extremely good -- then you just sit back and laugh at these people).
License plates? Coasters? Koozies? Socks? You have them all with your team logo. In fact, if it comes with a logo on it, you have it.
At first, your neighbors thought something horrible was happening to you as you screamed for hours in your living room, but they've come to know it's just how you act during a typical game.
Your hatred of rival teams borders on pathological and it has been a deal-breaker in at least one friendship or relationship.
You follow the careers of your school's best players into the NFL and could probably draw a very complicated chart about it if someone asked.
If you live far away, meeting someone else who went to your school is like meeting a long-lost sibling.
You prefer NCAA football to pro football because it just has so much more spirit. Sure the NFL has panache, but your heart will always belong to your college team and you wouldn't have it any other way.