So you’re going on a fabulous, week-long vacation extravaganza, and you want the whole world to know! Congratulations, we're jealous.
Listen, the beauty of Facebook, besides convincing yourself you have way more friends than you actually do, is that you can share these magical experiences with everyone you know, and lots of people you don’t. And yes, we really do enjoy living vicariously through your pics. Sometimes, though, there are those shots, clichéd and questionable, that you should probably keep off the Internet. Some can get you in trouble and bring shame upon you and your family. Others are just kind of annoying.
DON’T POST: Every single piece of food you ate
This is Facebook, not the Food Channel. We get that everything you eat in Blahblah Country or Yaddayadda City is exotic and delicious and plated so nicely, but there’s a line here. One or two pics of that gorgeous chocolate pastry or insanely ornate daiquiri are totally acceptable. A full food diary will just make us hungry. And annoyed. You don’t want to see us like that.
DON’T POST: Comments about how much better this trip is than your real life
“Gosh, this sure beats that hellhole of a workplace I’ve been chained to for a decade!”
“Dear husband, wish you were here. NOT! Our bartender says hi.”
“Haha, this fat marble statue looks just like Bob, our assistant supervisor!”
Vacations are temporary flights of fancy. Despite your deepest wishes, real life will be there waiting for you when you get back. And it’s going to be very, very angry.
DON’T POST: You, and absolutely nothing else
You’ve spent a lot of money and traveled a long way to be where you are, and unless you’re saving the photos to use as evidence in a court of law, please resist the urge to stand in the foreground of every single picture you take. We’ve all seen that pose, the arms by your side, sort of an awkward half-smile. “Well, here I am, in front of this thing,” it says. And…?
DON’T POST: You looking like an idiot.
The opposite of the sad floppy-armed “Well here I am,” pose is the picture that just screams “WOOOOO! CUH_RAZY VACAY!” Yes, vacation is exciting! Put your tongue back in your mouth. Find a less offensive novelty shirt. Stop bothering the guards at Scotland Yard. Don’t point to that part of the statue. You are an adult.
DON’T POST: Anyone that is less than 75% clothed
Three words: No. Wobbly. Bits. We all understand the concept of a nude beach. We don’t need photographic evidence. Also, if you want to document your sexy hot bod, think again. Do you really want your co-workers, or your family, or complete strangers ogling your Cozumel tan?
…Yes, you do? Ew. Really? We’re sure your boss is super proud of your semi-nudity.
READ MORE: Are your privacy settings on? Are you SURE?
DON’T POST: Feet
This is literally the easiest picture you can take. You don’t even have to move your camera. Most of these pictures look like they were taken by accident. Also, unless you’re standing on the Declaration of Independence or the Walk of Fame, we can’t tell where you are. You could be in your bathroom for all we know.
DON’T POST: Beers in a dimly lit bar. Beers on a dimly lit street. Beer OMG beers!
One of the most glorious things about beer and wine is that you can pretty much get it anywhere in the world. Being in an Irish pub is awesome and we don’t want to take that away from you, but it is not necessary to document every sip of your wild soggy nights. Also, people get in trouble for this all the time. No bueno.
DON’T POST: Pictures out of a plane
Here are some things you can see from the window of a plane:
Here are some things you should take pictures of from the window of a plane:
So fine, call us a little cranky. We may be suffering from vacation envy. But no matter how private you think you profile is, or how lax your job or blind your grandma, there is always a way for people to find these things. Great vacation pics can make you a Facebook star, but abuse the sharing privileges, and remember that weeping? Yeah. We’ll all weep for you.
Ultimately, just be smart. Be original. Play it safe, and stay classy, fabulous travelers. Bring back some snaps to be proud of.