If there's one time you shouldn't have to beat around the bush, it's when you're dead. At least that seemed to be the sentiment for one Colorado man, who's raising eyebrows for his not-so-subtle final words.
"He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died," reads the Denver Post obituary for Michael "Flathead" Blanchard.
And his cause of death? The obit attributes his maker-meeting moment to being "stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than six decades."
The obituary then lists his late cat "Chopper" as his son, says someone named "Baba Yaba" can "kiss his butt" and notes that his childhood friends are predominantly "criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats."
While all the hell-raising surely didn't help, his family told the Post "Flathead" actually died of natural causes. And, no, the obituary is not some cruel final jab by the family. They say the words are mostly Flathead's.
His brother Steve Blanchard said "Flathead" wrote a draft of the obituary before he died. The family just added the final touches.
"He lived every minute to its fullest and then some," Blanchard told the Post.
Not only is the obituary blunt, it's late. The man nicknamed for his love of fixing up cars -- including those with flathead engines -- died nearly a year ago. The family decided to wait until closer to the one-year anniversary of his death to publish the obituary and hold his memorial service.
Youngsters hoping to attend last Saturday's service may have been disappointed. Those who are not yet 18 years old are asked to stay away because of the celebration's planned "adult material."