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Brisket vs. grits! Brackets for the rest of us

  • Why only pair off hoops teams? Lots of other bracket options
  • Kanye West vs. LL Cool J: Who ya got?
  • The Tournament of Bad aims to decide nothing less than what the world's very worst thing is
Brisket vs. grits! Brackets for the rest of us

What's worse: Hiking near the Iranian border, or Guy Fieri? The bracket will settle this.


Man, I don't know. Tough one.

The idea of taking a bunch of things and putting them against each other to decide which of these things is the very BEST thing is such a fun idea there's no way these things should just be limited to college basketball teams.

With March Madness officially underway and 64 of the nation's best hoops squads settling their scores on the hardwood, we thought it would be a good time to find out what other types of grudge matches are happening across the Internet.

Turns out, quite a few. It's Bracket Season, and everything from cornbread to Tupac is being matched-up in tournaments across the web. And it is awesome.

Here are five of our favorite alternative brackets.

The MC Bracket - from

Traditionally, rappers settled the matter of who's bigger and best the old fashioned way: rhyming and battling. But the disses, slams and beefs are being resolved in a much more playful fashion in the MC bracket from ESPN Radio's 'Scott Van Pelt Show.' There are 64 rappers split up into four regions, but for our (cash) money the East Coast region alone could settle the whole deal. Beastie Boys vs. Run DMC?? And in just the third round??

Best first round matchups: Outkast vs. Eric B & Rakim, Eminem vs. Kanye West

Potential championship: Public Enemy vs. Notorious B.I.G

Ultimate Southern Food - from

The only bracket which will give you a heart attack just by looking at it. A delicious, happy heart attack. It's also divvied up into four regions (such as Low Country and Barbecue) with 32 bracket-stuffing options that read like the world's greatest luncheonette menu.

Best first round matchups: Cornbread vs. brisket, fried catfish vs. beignets

Potential championship: Fried chicken vs. shrimp and grits

Colored dots - from

For college hoops fans, there is nothing more beautiful than the NCAA bracket. For everyone else who enjoys pretty things and contests, but not necessarily hoops, there's this bracket. Slate replaced the names of the 68 tourney teams with just dots representing each school's team colors. It's pretty awesome to look at and may actually inspire the hoops indifferent art school grads out there to fill out a bracket this year.

Best first round matchup: Blue and orange dots (Florida) vs. blue and slightly-less-orange dots (Virginia)

Potential championship: Blue and white dots (Kentucky) vs. navy and red dots (Kansas)

1980s One-hit Wonders - from

Well here's a good way to turn a five-minute distraction into a two-hour YouTube '80s videos black hole. Put together by a Dayton, Ohio pop station this is the perfect bracket for anyone who refuses to update their radio presets to include any stations that play anything that came out after Nelson's "Love and Affection".

Best (or worst, depending on your taste) first round matchup: "Tainted Love" vs. "Supersonic", "Beds Are Burning" vs. "I Want Candy"

Potential championship: "Come On Eileen" vs. "It Takes Two"

The Tournament of Bad - from CBS Radio Chicago

If you could complain about one thing -- and only thing -- what would it be? That is the seriously difficult question this bracket is essentially posing to every misanthrope, incoherent grumbler and comments section hijacker on the Internet. Ever watch a guy propose on the Jumbotron at a sporting event and think it was the lamest thing you'd seen all month? Or wonder who's actually still wearing those pants that unzip into shorts? This is your bracket, eye-roller.

Best first round matchups: Runners that run in place at stoplights vs. Adults on skateboards, Self-thrown birthday parties vs. Couples that sit on the same side of the booth

Potential championship: Hiking near the Iranian border vs. Guy Fieri

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