Dear Tim Tebow,
Please date us. We've pretty much figured out you don't have a girlfriend, unless her name is Jesus and you are playing a very elaborate joke on all of us. In which case, that just makes you faithful, talented and funny and now we like you more.
There are a lot of us, Tebow. From all walks of life, and we all like you. Katy Perry, the woman who is known for shooting things out of her bosom and dressing up like an adult version of Candyland digs you. Ok! Magazine is saying her mom thinks you would be the perfect good Christian boy to comfort her after her split from that Russell Brand guy, who could definitely use a few grooming tips from you.
We're feeling the chin strap, BTW.
Then there are the video odes. That seems to be the thing to do these days -- ask people out via YouTube -- and you're no exception. There's a young "youth Pastor in hipster clothes" who will serenade you over and over again. A member of the Sigma Phi Lambda Christian sorority wants you to take her to their formal. Even fully grown sportscasters seem to have man-crushes on you. Look, this guy even has a tattoo of your name!
Some of us don't even care about football. That's how big you are, that people who never gave a hoot about football previously are now acutely interested in Broncos and things. Even if we don't watch, we see things like your charming appearance on Jimmy Kimmel and we're sold.
However, please know that while we are totally buying whatever good guy magic you're selling, we will not resort to creepily morphing our faces together to see what our future offspring would look like, like the folks over at NFL.com did. We'll save that until the second date.
It's your move, Tebow. We know you love football. And we know you love Jesus (not in that order, though). All we're asking is that you love us, too.
Oh, and maybe win some more games. Okay?