So long, Hope and Maks. Who called it? Oh, that’s right, everyone did. The Thelma and Louise of the ballroom drove off the cliff of snotty remarks right into the canyon of elimination.
At least Hope can get back to focusing on gold medals and working her athletic nature in a way that is not deeply humiliating, what with the cowboy hats, pajama bottoms, lace tights, lioness hair and high-heeled cleats she’s been subjected to over these many weeks. Smile, Hope! You are free from your sequined poly-blend prison.
On the other side of the fabric swatch, Carson Kressley was in fashion hog-heaven as he flounced through aisles and aisles of glitter and silk on a shopping trip with the wardrobe staff.
I was, for some reason, quite shocked to realize that people actually, you know, sew the ridiculous confections our performers wear every week. I had never thought about it. For some reason, I just assumed they just dropped out of the heavens, fully formed, like offerings from the ballroom gods.
And if such deities exist, they were certainly not pleased with Cobra Starship’s underwhelming warbling. What’s up with the lackluster results show performances lately? The Muppets number did a little to salvage that, although Statler and Waldorf’s turn as the two judges was worth the whole purposefully cheesy number.
Now we all knew how this was going to go. As usual, we were treated to extended recaps of Monday night’s action, and if anything could compound the awkwardness that was Hope and Maks’ interaction with the judges, it was watching it again, with enhanced audio and backstage scenes.
I found myself siding with the judges here: When did Hope become such a grump? Girl, if Tom Bergeron can be insulted by Muppets on his own TV show, you can stand some criticism in a sport at which, frankly, you were not that good.
Revisiting J.R.’s injury was equally uncomfortable, especially since you could definitely tell he was in a lot of pain during the dances. I also don’t remember his fumble with Karina’s lift being so egregious Monday night. No wonder he was grimacing.
But, all in all, J.R. and his bum ankle were still better than a lot of past contestants ever were, and plopping him in the “not necessarily” bottom two was obviously a ploy. It couldn’t be him.
…Right?
Right! Of course not. He joined happy neon couples DerRicki and CherRobyl (that probably won’t catch on) in the finalist’s circle, and boy did he and Karina look relieved.
So there they are, America! Next week our stars will battle it out in a whole new galaxy of fun: the freestyle dance.
Are you excited or scared? Did the bell toll for the right couple? Were you freaked out by Kermit’s scary claw hand banging on that piano? Do you secretly want to be a 'DWTS' costume designer? Don’t we all???
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